Have you ever asked yourself, “Why did that crap happen to me?”

You’re a decent, honest, kind, compassionate person 99% of the time. So why does crap happen? There’s no satisfactory answer. With almost eight billion people inhabiting the planet, it’s unavoidable. However one million years ago only about 20,000 people were alive, and I’m sure some of them asked the same question. Why me? Why did that saber-tooth tiger run off with my goose? It’s just a human thing. Bad things happen to other animal species too and they become frightened, but they don’t analyze it like we do. If they survive, they just move on.

I’ll share a few personal examples.

  1. I was bullied when I attended St. Mary’s School, and the bullying (same girls) followed me to high school. The bullying was in the form of hateful letters and rumors about me. Once when I was sixteen, the ring-leader bully called my parents and told them I was drinking and dancing at a local bar in town. My mother looked around and saw that I was in the den watching TV, so she hung up the phone. Message: Ringleader bullies aren’t too smart.

2. Years later when I was living in a cute duplex in the Tarrytown neighborhood in Austin, the property manager told me I’d have to move because the owner was selling the property. I loved that place, but I had two weeks to pack up and find another place to live. Right before I left, I called the owner to ask for my deposit back. She wondered by I was leaving. I told her, and she said the place wasn’t for sale. She told me to call the property manager. The woman’s name was April. I’ll never forget dear, sweet lying April. She said it was all a misunderstanding. I told her I wanted to sign a new lease. She said it was too late and since I was leaving SHE was moving in. Message: Karma is real.

3. During my second of the last year of teaching I’d taken a job in a different school district. I had the principal from hell. It was the first and only time, I experienced anxiety attacks because of the crap she put me through. I won’t go into all the details of her demonic behavior. She told me she was happy with my progress and then turned around and didn’t renew my contract. I had to sic the union representative on her. I found out that she was notorious for screwing teachers around. I guess I just drew the black bean that year. My rep did a number on the narcissistic, psychopath, which involved her writing a letter of apology and a letter of recommendation for me. Nevertheless, it would be an entire year before the anxiety subsided. Message: Don’t mess with me.

4. Just the other day, I was crossing the street carrying two heavy bags. Two guys in a he-man pickup truck slowed down, so I assumed they were being polite and were going to let me cross. Instead, they sped up causing me to stumble backward. I didn’t drop my bags, but I got a good look at them, and as they drove by they laughed. I let my goodness slip a bit and called them a bad name. It’s a three-letter word that starts with an A and ends with an S, and I didn’t feel bad about doing it. Message: Your mother would be ashamed of you.

I’m certain that all these unfair, unpleasant, mean things that have happened to me will result in a smooth transition into Heaven. When St. Peter sees me crossing the bridge, he’ll open the big gate wide and move me to the head of the line with all the dogs (Dogs going to heaven never have to wait.) I can just hear him now. “Kathleen, it’s so good to see you.” He’ll ask me to wait a few seconds while he rolls out the red carpet. Then he’ll say, “No questions for you, just walk on in here, girl, make yourself at home. Your dogs are frolicking by the duck pond, and your parents are with your other relatives under the polka tent. Your dad’s giving polka lessons, and your mother is handing out kolaches (Czech pastries). But we have a special treat for you. Your patron saint, Saint Teresa of Avila, is making your favorite drink, an ice-cold gin martini stirred, not shaken, with three olives, and guess what?” He leans over and whispers in my ear, “Your martini glass is bottomless.”

Originally published on Medium.com.