Sometimes, I think God wakes me up at one o’clock in the morning just to get my attention. Fine. But He doesn’t say anything—as if I’m supposed to know what’s on His mind as if I’m supposed to figure it out as if I don’t have enough stuff to figure out.

“Just spit it out. So I can go back to sleep.”

But He doesn’t. So I toss and turn and think about weird stuff like what if I’m traveling alone in Egypt (one of my favorite countries), and I get kidnapped and sold into white slavery? What if a giant meteorite hits the planet, causing a massive tsunami, and I can’t make it to the top of the mountain before I’m swept away? I certainly don’t need this during the wee hours of the morning when I am supposed to be resting peacefully. When I finally fall asleep fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off, I wake up pissed off because I feel like I have a hangover.

Is there a parable in this somewhere? I spent all day yesterday trying to figure it all out when I needed to tie up the loose ends of my next mystery, which is harder than weaving a tapestry out of straw. At this point in my long life, I just want answers so I can do what I need to do to get to heaven.

“What is my purpose here? What is my mission?”

St. Peter was a young man when he learned what his purpose was, not that I’m comparing myself to the Rock. But the fact is, I’m not getting any younger.

What brought all of this on?

I recently watched a four-hour interview with John Burke, author of Imaging Heaven: Near-Death Experiences, God’s Promises, and the Exhilarating Experience that Awaits You. In conducting research for the book, his purpose was to disprove the stories and experiences of people who claimed momentarily they died and saw heaven and heard God’s voice. Many in the medical profession explain this ethereal experience as a flood of endorphins—often referred to as the feel-good chemical—to the brain as the body is dying to avoid panic during the process. After listening to the interview, I checked the number of Amazon reviews the books received.  Imagine Heaven has almost 15,000 five-star reviews. (I’ve always hoped for at least 100.) I ordered the book but haven’t read it yet because I’m in the middle of a 965-page novel. But looking at my to-be-read pile, I started thinking of heaven again in the middle of a sleepless night. So, instead of focusing on possible disasters, I thought about what I hope to experience when I get to heaven.

15 Things I Want When I Get To Heaven

1. I want to see my family and friends who have gone before me.
2. I want to see all my dogs and frolic with them in a field of soft green grass.
3. I want a giant kitchen where I can cook and bake to my heart’s content.
4. I want a bazillion bird feeders.
5. I want to plant flowers, trees, and shrubs that GROW.
6. I want a warm beach where I can lounge, drink beer, and surf.
7. I want to dive in the ocean without scuba tanks.
8. I want peace and quiet.
9. I want not to be afraid of heights.
10. I want a library with an endless supply of books.
11. I want to see all those people who gave me trouble and tell them it’s okay.
12. I want to feel good about myself—always.
13. I want to understand why some of my dreams didn’t come true on earth and be okay with it.
14. I want to love everyone unconditionally and stop judging.
15. I want to thank God for not giving up on me.

Whatever I experience in Heaven, I know that 5-star reviews will not be important.

Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.